ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize