thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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