he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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