if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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