I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
