Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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