Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
