Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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