Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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