I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
