I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
