im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
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apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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