3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
