It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
