; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
