What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
50% drunk capacity currently
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
And then he peed in my hair
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