that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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