totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
