I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
