Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
