This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize