My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
