There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Randomize
