Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Randomize
