Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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