Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Floor bacon is actually really good
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
