dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
