six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
