I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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