im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
