she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
