When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
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