i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
