Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
this will be a night to untag.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
