I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
