physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
