My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
