I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
The best revenge is premature balding
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
