think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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