If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
