: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Your topless pictures make me question reality
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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