also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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