Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
