sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
