Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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