i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
