I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
