I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
