Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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