Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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