So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
