if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
