i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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