I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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