after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
