I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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