ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
