when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
