It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
