If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
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