Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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