After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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