if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
