He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
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he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
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You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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