And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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