put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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