bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I want to fling myself into the sun
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
