I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
