margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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