So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
