Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize