youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
