so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
