About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
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Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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