Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
