just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
