I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I supernannyed him into submission
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
