I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Dick very happy bro
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
