I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
