I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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